This is one of those topics people lower their voice for. Or avoid entirely. Usually not because they don’t care, but because they’re scared of saying the wrong thing.
That silence creates a lot of misunderstanding.
Self-harm and suicidal thoughts aren’t rare. They’re just hidden. And because they’re hidden, a lot of assumptions grow around them.
Here are a few things that are often misunderstood.
Self-harm doesn’t always mean someone wants to die
This is probably the biggest one.
Some people who self-harm aren’t trying to end their life. They’re trying to cope. With feelings that feel too loud. Or too flat. Or impossible to sit with. It can be a way of releasing tension, grounding themselves, or feeling something when everything feels numb.
That doesn’t make it safe. But it does mean the intention isn’t always what people assume.
Having suicidal thoughts doesn’t always mean someone is about to act on them
A lot of people experience suicidal thoughts as thoughts. Ideas that come and go. Sometimes quietly. Sometimes often. Sometimes during low moments.
For many, there’s no plan. No intention. Just distress that shows up in that form.
Those thoughts still matter. They still deserve care. But they don’t automatically mean someone is in immediate danger.
People can seem completely “fine” while struggling
This catches people out.
Someone can go to work, reply to messages, joke, look functional — and still be dealing with self-harm urges or suicidal thoughts in private. There isn’t always a visible crisis.
Because of that, people often assume they’d “notice” if something was wrong. A lot of the time, they don’t.
Talking about these thoughts doesn’t cause them
There’s a common fear that mentioning self-harm or suicide puts the idea in someone’s head.
Usually, the opposite is true.
For many people, the thoughts are already there. What helps is being able to talk about them without panic, judgement, or someone immediately trying to fix everything.
Being heard can lower the intensity.
Shame keeps people quiet
A lot of people don’t speak up because they’re ashamed. Or scared of how others will react. Or worried they’ll be treated differently, watched constantly, or dismissed.
Keeping everything hidden often makes things heavier, not lighter. Even acknowledging what’s happening to yourself can feel like a relief.
These experiences usually build over time
Self-harm and suicidal thoughts rarely appear out of nowhere.
They often develop alongside long-term stress, emotional pain, trauma, feeling trapped, or feeling like there’s no way out of how things are. Understanding that helps move the conversation away from blame.
There isn’t one right kind of support
Some people find professional support helpful. Some find peer spaces helpful. Some rely on one trusted person. Some need different things at different times.
What matters most is not being completely alone with it.
A quiet but important note
If you’re reading this because it connects personally, you don’t have to deal with these feelings on your own.
If you’re in the UK and need to talk to someone:
• Samaritans – 116 123 (24/7)
• NHS 111 – press 2 for urgent mental health support
• Text SHOUT to 85258 for confidential text support
If you’re elsewhere, local crisis lines and mental health services are available in many countries.
If this post is being read in a community setting, it’s okay to take your time. You don’t have to explain everything. You don’t have to share anything you’re not ready to.
That silence creates a lot of misunderstanding.
Self-harm and suicidal thoughts aren’t rare. They’re just hidden. And because they’re hidden, a lot of assumptions grow around them.
Here are a few things that are often misunderstood.
Self-harm doesn’t always mean someone wants to die
This is probably the biggest one.
Some people who self-harm aren’t trying to end their life. They’re trying to cope. With feelings that feel too loud. Or too flat. Or impossible to sit with. It can be a way of releasing tension, grounding themselves, or feeling something when everything feels numb.
That doesn’t make it safe. But it does mean the intention isn’t always what people assume.
Having suicidal thoughts doesn’t always mean someone is about to act on them
A lot of people experience suicidal thoughts as thoughts. Ideas that come and go. Sometimes quietly. Sometimes often. Sometimes during low moments.
For many, there’s no plan. No intention. Just distress that shows up in that form.
Those thoughts still matter. They still deserve care. But they don’t automatically mean someone is in immediate danger.
People can seem completely “fine” while struggling
This catches people out.
Someone can go to work, reply to messages, joke, look functional — and still be dealing with self-harm urges or suicidal thoughts in private. There isn’t always a visible crisis.
Because of that, people often assume they’d “notice” if something was wrong. A lot of the time, they don’t.
Talking about these thoughts doesn’t cause them
There’s a common fear that mentioning self-harm or suicide puts the idea in someone’s head.
Usually, the opposite is true.
For many people, the thoughts are already there. What helps is being able to talk about them without panic, judgement, or someone immediately trying to fix everything.
Being heard can lower the intensity.
Shame keeps people quiet
A lot of people don’t speak up because they’re ashamed. Or scared of how others will react. Or worried they’ll be treated differently, watched constantly, or dismissed.
Keeping everything hidden often makes things heavier, not lighter. Even acknowledging what’s happening to yourself can feel like a relief.
These experiences usually build over time
Self-harm and suicidal thoughts rarely appear out of nowhere.
They often develop alongside long-term stress, emotional pain, trauma, feeling trapped, or feeling like there’s no way out of how things are. Understanding that helps move the conversation away from blame.
There isn’t one right kind of support
Some people find professional support helpful. Some find peer spaces helpful. Some rely on one trusted person. Some need different things at different times.
What matters most is not being completely alone with it.
A quiet but important note
If you’re reading this because it connects personally, you don’t have to deal with these feelings on your own.
If you’re in the UK and need to talk to someone:
• Samaritans – 116 123 (24/7)
• NHS 111 – press 2 for urgent mental health support
• Text SHOUT to 85258 for confidential text support
If you’re elsewhere, local crisis lines and mental health services are available in many countries.
If this post is being read in a community setting, it’s okay to take your time. You don’t have to explain everything. You don’t have to share anything you’re not ready to.
